


The First and the Fifteenth

by thezonefic



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Complete, Explicit Language, M/M, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-30
Updated: 2011-01-30
Packaged: 2017-10-15 06:23:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/157925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thezonefic/pseuds/thezonefic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim's POV of his and Blair's relationship. Angst and hurt without any real comfort. The fic ends up like life sometimes with no real happy ending, and you either deal or move on. Companion piece to The Seduction of James Joseph Ellison.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The First and the Fifteenth

**Author's Note:**

> This was started during the great blackout of August 2003, when there was no power and nothing else to do but write a story (by hand in a notebook the old fashioned way, by hurricane lantern, while my kids played Monopoly and my mom read a book). Quite the old fashioned family type of evening being together, as usually everyone is off doing their own thing in their own part of the house.
> 
> Warnings: No warning on this one. It was betaíd by my poor long suffering beta Kyaol. A jewel of a beta, the person who makes me look a better writer then I am.

Date: started August 2003, reworked post beta and republished summer of 2004

He pulls out slowly, as always when he does me, with great consideration, slow gentle and easy. So considerate, such a skillful lover. This twice monthly thing we have, it helps more then any other technique Blair's ever come up with. This, this down and dirty fucking that helps the Sentinel in me more then all the dials put together. The trembling hand on my hip, the hitch in his breathing, the condom hitting the trash can, with a soft plop as he reaches for the container of warmed wipes, all signs that Blair is replete, the Guide/Shaman has fulfilled the sacred duty to the Sentinel again. The Sentinel will be more focused on his duties, his senses more steady now that the Guide has fulfilled his needs.

 

His dick feels bigger, not smaller as it leaves and I'm careful as I turn on my side, getting spunk onto the sheets not covered by the obligatory towel isn't something that I want to do. "Neat freak" some deep down portion of my psyche laughs manically as I move cautiously.

 

"Roll over big guy let's get you cleaned up," as he begins wiping me down with the warm wet wipe. He laughs quietly breaths still coming in short pants, his body still twitchy with the orgasm as he hands deftly begin cleaning me up.

My face flames a brighter red then the sexual flush left over. I can feel each pore opening up, sweat welling out as he reaches for me, his hands soft, he fucks my ass and sucks my cock and I get embarrassed when he wants to check that very ass he's just reamed out. I pull away abruptly.. "Leave it chief I'm fine."

 

 

"I need to check Jim, itís what lovers do. Relax man, I'll be done in a minute, you know your skin is sensitive to too much lube and the rubber residue. You don't want to be sore do you? You were really something tonight lover. So hot.." his voice break's off as he, oh so tenderly cleanses my groin and ass checking for any damage.

 

"Lover." The syllables that make up that word resonate inside of my brain burning. He thinks what we do is being lovers? God, for all the brain power I know Blair has, he really has no fucking clue. Oh yeah he's considerate tender even loving in his care after we fuck, no matter who's turn it's to top. Blair would never want to cause physical pain to anyone, and that's all this is. Sex not love I got over that delusion the first time he left my bed for one of his bimbos of the moment.

 

 

God he's going already, I have to stop myself before the involuntary motion of my hand even can begin. He must not see. This session is going to shorter then the last two. Must be some new bimbo he's going to meet up with later. † Shit Iím going to have to relax before he notices Iím getting uptight. Have to stop feeling, have to put it all away, everything but the animal feeling that one body does for another. He is the other half of my soul but he doesn't feel the same as I do. Has no hint at all. Fuck buddies is way too coarse to describe us and our relationship, partners doesn't hit it either, but whatever we are we're still dynamite in bed and I can enjoy the physical release I get...and for maybe a few seconds pretend that he feels something more then lust for me.

 

He's flopped down now onto his back, after pitching the semen soaked towel into the hamper only just a few feet away, "Yeah three pointer that one," he crows pumping his fist in triumph. Now just inches away physically on the mussed sheets of my bed moments ago just feet away tiding up, but it could have been miles apart for the lack of love on his part . The being in love with me, Jim Ellison. Not just another warm body, not just another ass or cock? He can talk your ear off on all kinds of things, but when it comes to him talking about his feelings, never a word, only more of Naomi's shit.

 

His eyes sparkle with mischief as he crawls across the bed ,

"God Jim that was wonderful. Just incredible, your ass is so tight, so hot, so infuckingcredible lover ," he purrs wriggling closer, a finger traces one nipple.

 

I pull his sweaty sated body against mine, his riotously curled head just naturally fitting into the hollow of my shoulder . I move my hand across his back sliding over sweaty skin and feeling the lax muscles beneath, the motion stirs the lingering scent of pheromones, sweat and semen into the air around us adding to the faint scents from last time giving them back their life and that pulls at something inside, I hold Blair closer, feeling him chuckle sleepily into my shoulder. I have learned over the course of this, whatever this is, that he rarely stays in my bed for very long after the actual sex part is over. Afterglow doesn't usually last very long with Blair Sandburg. If I touch, pet his hair; kiss his ears and neck I can sometimes keep him here for an extra half hour. That is if he doesn't have another appointment or something more important to do. I run my hand through his hair and Blair moves in even closer, snuggling into my side, he wants to cuddle? I can count the number of times in the last six months he's wanted to cuddle on the fingers of one hand. †I'm so pathetic where he is concerned, I'll take whatever crumbs he sees fit to throw me. You're such an asshole Ellison, no guts. No nothing.

 

I must have tensed because Blair lifts his head from my shoulder to look up at me, "What's wrong man," Blair asks a frown marring his usually sappy post sex look.

 

 

"Nothing Chief, just enjoying the afterglow." I reply nuzzling those russet tinged curls that have drifted closer to my face. I inhale deeply, God I love his scent. It's not just Blair scent, his sweat, semen, and breath, whatever. It's that scent that says home to me. The center of my universe. Shit the sex is finished, he's still in bed with me and looks like he might stay for a while, and I'm maudlin already, got to stop that crap. Now.

 

"K'man," he says sleepily his eyelids fluttering, I feel his breath deepen, evening out, he pats my chest possessively, "Ií'm gonna take a small nap, don't mind do you man? I'm kind of beat here. Lot's of stuff happened at the U today. Too much almost for me to keep up with. Sorry that I didn't get down to the station today. I'll tell you all about it later," Blair says and the warm breath of his yawn tickles even as it distorts most of his words almost a tinge of guilt in his voice. I pull the blanket up covering him tenderly and he grasps it and cuddles closer to me his eyes already closing.

 

I look down at my Guide resting comfortably, sleeping the sleep of the sexually sated and totally exhausted; usually the poster child for hyperactivity and my thoughts wander further, towards the next 14 days where all I'll have is his fading scent, until he's back again for the fifteenth. There are the times when he's not around, times when other's scents are all over him, when finally does get home, and it's those times I doubt my own memories, doubt that we actually have any kind of sexual relationship. It's after his scent up here is so faint and the clean sheets have none of his feel to them that I wonder if all of the rest of this isn't just some kind of zoned out Sentinel induced dream. It wouldn't be the first time that my head has played games with me.

Since this started more and more of my memories from my time in Peru have resurfaced. I remember some of the things that Incacha taught me while I was with the Chopec, the grounding he gave me, the things he taught me for when I would find my true Guide, the promises he made of how it would be between my Guide and I, the Sentinel of the Great City and the Shaman of the Great City.

I've told Blair most of this, but like Blair says I am the poster child for the repressed; I never realized that when I told him exactly what it would mean, what I would feel. What it was supposed to mean, and then somewhere in there I realized when it was too late to say anything that I wasn't playing by the rulebook, I was in love with Blair.

 

Blair explained when I told him that the sex was an intrinsic part of the bond between Sentinel and Guide, part of the cave man throwback genetic component that drives so many of my decisions, a part of genetic programming that says that the Guide must be content and protected at all costs. Yep, add in the fear based reactions that are so much a part of that same programming and bang here we are. Yeah bang literally Ellison. I just wish that this, no that we the Sentinel and me the person meant more to him then being the Guide/Shaman of the Great City and a guaranteed lay twice a month with a minimum of strings and effort involved.

 

Shit even in my own head I'm fucking with myself. Blair doesn't need to fuck me and be fucked by me twice a month. He can go out and find himself as many partners as he wants as quickly as he wants. Gets into other people's pants quicker then anyone else I ever met. Probably thinks it's what the Guide/Shaman does. I wonder sometimes what Blair's answer would be if I asked him exactly what his motives were in bedding me among the multitudes, I wonder how much would be about me and not his dick. No, I wrong you in that thought, Incacha passed on the way to you, being both Guide and Shaman to the Sentinel and even though I know you really haven't got the vaguest notion of how to be in a monogamous relationship, you would never shirk your duty.

 

 

I shift my arm numb from cradling him and smile sadly as he stirs, I love him. I don't want to lose him, but he doesn't want commitment from me, even though I know commitment isn't the problem for him. Damn almost 14 years of slogging at a university education is proof positive, even if his medical file didn't show the length's he goes through to stay. Commitment isn't the problem, it's the growing up as Naomis son that is, you learnt very young in life that one partner is as good as any other partner didn't you? Why settle for one when variety is the spice of life? All that detach with love shit she spouts. Yeah right, only gives you the excuse to fuck as many people as you want without any resultant guilt.

How the hell was I ever stupid enough to fall in love with you? † But then I don't exactly have a good track record when it comes to loving relationships. Wasn't like I ever had a good example to follow; William Ellison only showed me what love wasn't and Grace Ellison didn't seem to have any comprehension of love either; just left the old man and to hell with the sons she bore, we were just so much inconvenient baggage. Who else was there? The army? It isn't known for its warm nurturing attitude towards the soldiers that serve, all the ever brass wanted was the job done, done in such a way that they don't have to explain too many things they'd rather not to an un-sympathetic press and public, too hell with what was right or moral, bastards.

 

 

The police force? Being a cop automatically seems to preclude the softer emotions, maybe it's because we see so much of worst side of human nature, so many of the ugly faces of humanity. At least you, my Blair had Naomi some of the time, and while in no way would I consider her suitable parent material, you had someone to show you about love, maybe not in the best way, but you know what it feels like to be loved and to love in return.

 

 

As for me and Carolyn that was pre-destined to failure. I should have known better than to have attempted to reach for that particular brass ring. The white picket fence dream for us was just a bad patch up job an attempt to hide the scars from vice, and my upbringing a try to move forwards; only the future is laid on the foundations of the past. My past, and my dysfunctional family, the Ellison curse, me I'm the one who is the problem. † I should be grateful that Blair found the references in Burton's writings that there was a sexual component to the bond and he was brave enough to face my memories and what they would mean for our future or on the flip side of the coin that he was shallow enough to believe getting into bed with me wouldn't change our relationship. I smooth the hair away from his forehead, he was right in a way, it hasn't changed our relationship outwardly, but as I hold him I know the strain is starting to show in me. I move my hand away angry at myself. Suck it up, take like a man Ellison and deep down in your heart you can keep loving him, and keep praying that he'll continue to do his duty to the Sentinel on the first and the fifteenth.

 

 

The End.


End file.
